This latest concept of “ghosting” has definitely got people a little spooked (pun intended), especially when it comes to dating. Dating is already challenging enough as it is. Sometimes it can feel like a job interview. Other times, one person feels an amazing connection while the other feels nothing. So, in the face of swimming against the current, how do we deal with a ghoster.
One of my favorite shows ever is “Sex and the City.” Miranda, one of the main characters, said that when she doesn’t hear from a guy, she pretends they died. As morbid as that seems, albeit kinda genius, she brings up a great point. Our opinion about the situation is the problem, not what actually happened.
A client of mine started dating this amazing man. She felt a great connection with him. They had a great time together and she even met some of his close friends. Two months into it, crickets. He was nowhere to be found. She began to wonder, “Was it something I said? Something I did?” and she spiraled into the abyss of I’m not good enough or I don’t deserve love. She created an opinion about the situation and it had everything to do with her. Insert pain and self-loathing here.
But the truth is, she did NOTHING wrong! While working with me, I helped her to realize that if this terrific person doesn’t have the dignity to honor her by communicating what’s going on with him, then he is not her One. Her One, or yours, would never do something like this. Her One would be open and vulnerable with her, letting her in, telling her what’s going on. He would never abandon her. Helping her to change her opinion about the situation helped her to see that the ghoster actually did her a favor by going into hiding. He passively let her know that he was NOT her One. Either that, or he died. And in that case, R.I.P.
So, you don’t have to be afraid of no ghosts!
(I couldn’t help myself!)