Sometimes, the pain just seems too unbearable.
Figuring out how to get over a breakup is rarely simple, but when it’s “the one” who walks out of your life, the pain and heartbreak left in their wake can seem crushing. You might even be convinced that you’ll never get over it ending or learn how to heal your broken heart fully.
After all, it’s rare to find your soulmate — so what happens when you lose them?
First, you need to know that if this person was your “one” — your soulmate — you’d still be together and you wouldn’t even be reading this article.
Remember that, when you’re in a relationship, you learn and grow. And sometimes, you grow out of the relationship as a result.
The good news is that you become more clear about what you want and what you don’t want. And so, the universe responds to your awarenesses.
I know it’s painful. I’ve been there.
When I ended things with Luke — whom I thought was my soulmate — I felt like my world was crashing down around me.
I had never experienced a relationship like this before. It was so easy. We never fought. Our entire beings lit up when we were around each other.
He cried in front of me. He told me he felt such peace when we were in each other’s arms.
I was in love with his kids, and they were in love with me.
I thought we were going to be a family.
I was certain he was my soulmate.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t emotionally available.
He still wasn’t over his ex. And no matter how amazing things were with us, and how incredible the connection was, his heart wasn’t completely available to me.
So, I had to end it. It wasn’t fair to me to keep holding on after two years, praying that he’d choose me. He wasn’t going to choose me. Not while he still had her in his heart.
It was the first time I said, “Ok, universe. If he isn’t my soulmate, and there’s someone even better for me, then BRING HIM ON.”
It took a long time to get over Luke, but, by following these steps, I was able to release him and truly clear the way for my real soulmate.
Here are the 6 steps that I took to get over my breakup and heal my broken heart — that can help you, too.
1. Don’t just distract yourself
Many times, people jump into a new relationship to ease the pain of healing from a breakup. Although it can be fun, and it definitely helps, it will not permanently solve the problem.
First off, unless you’re completely open and honest with your new interest that you’ve just been through a devastating break up, the new interest is probably going to get hurt.
Secondly, you’ll keep attracting the same person by a different name if you don’t do the work it takes to truly heal from your ex.
2. Admit the truth
Be in reality about it versus fantasy. Try not to hold onto hope about the two of you getting back together.
The quicker you can accept that the relationship is over, the quicker you can move into healing your heart.
I can’t begin to tell you how much I time I spent hoping that he’d call. Praying that he’d show up on my doorstep with a huge bouquet of flowers, and, better yet, an engagement ring.
But that never happened.
And the more time I wasted hoping he’d beg to have me back, the more time I focused on him and not clearing the path for my actual soulmate to come into my life.
3. Honor their free will
If they chose to leave, then you have to honor that there was something inside of them that knew the relationship wasn’t working for them.
We are all on our own journey. Honor their path to take.
If you have to convince them to get back together with you, they may return for a little while. But it’s most likely that they’ll either end it eventually, or choose not to be all in.
And why would you want to be with someone that you need to persuade to be with you?
Your soulmate will know, either right away or pretty quickly, that you’re the one they want to spend their life with. They won’t need any convincing. It will be undeniable that you two were meant to be together.
4. If the outer is mirroring the inner, how have you broken up with yourself?
One of the most important purposes of a relationship, believe it or not, is to mirror you to yourself. It’s the best way to help us grow and evolve into the person we’re meant to be.
So, if the love of your life breaks up with you, ask yourself, “In this relationship, how did I break up, or away, from myself?”
In other words, did you lose yourself in the relationship?
When I was with Luke, I didn’t express myself completely for fear of losing him. I was more worried about him leaving than being able to be myself. After time, I realized that I need to be with someone who I feel safe to be completely myself with, warts and all.
5. Make a list of all the ways they are wrong for you.
Again, be realistic.
When we’re in the broken-hearted phase of healing, all you can think about is how perfect they were.
But, if you really examined the relationship, and how they were being, or how they treated you, I’m sure there are plenty of things that you could pinpoint as irritating or deal breakers.
One of mine was that Luke loved to cuddle while we slept. I absolutely love to cuddle, until it’s time to actually go to sleep. I get very hot when I sleep, and he was naturally a hot box.
He’d wrap his arms around me and snuggle close to me, and I’d end up waking up in the middle of a deep sleep and feel like I was suffocating. It would usually take me forever to fall back to sleep, so I’d be super grumpy the next day.
Now, that’s something minor, but I have a list of more serious issues I had with him, like trust and lack of communication.
Anything, big or small, can help you get clear that maybe they weren’t your soulmate after all.
6. What did you learn and what are the blessings?
Once you’re in a more healthy and accepting place with regards to the relationship being over, look to see what you learned.
I don’t believe any relationship is ever a waste of time because they can always teach you and help you grow forward as a person, and as a partner.
Even if the only thing that your ex taught you is what you don’t want in a relationship, that in itself is a huge blessing.
I now know that Luke was one of my greatest teachers. I learned so much about myself and what I wanted in my soulmate relationship that I’m so clear Luke couldn’t ever provide me.
As excruciatingly painful as it was to lose a man that I loved so deeply, and swore up and down was my soulmate and the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with, I realize now that he wasn’t my one, my soulmate-for-life.
I know that this is an extremely difficult time for you, but I promise you that you will get through it.
Your heart will heal.
And, if you follow the steps I suggested above, you will be that much closer to being in the arms of your soulmate.
To learn more about how to get over a breakup and heal your broken heart or to schedule a free ‘Relationship Release’ session, click here.
Originally published on YourTango