Proceed with caution.
When you first meet your soulmate — your true love, your one and only — breaking up or losing him is the last thing you want to think about.
But relationships are never cut and dry. There’s no manual on how to be a good girlfriend, and even the most attractive women run the risk of chasing their soulmate away.
My decision to become a love coach became an obvious choice when I went through the most devastating break up I’d ever experienced; I had to break up with someone I still loved.
When you meet someone who you believe is your “one true love,” your “soulmate,” and he doesn’t see you the same way, it’s heartbreaking.
One day soon after our breakup, as I was going over what went wrong in our relationship and questioning how it was possible that we weren’t going to be spending the rest of our lives together, I began to evaluate how I was being in our relationship.
What was my responsibility for why we didn’t work out? How was I showing up in our relationship? What decisions was I making based on what he was saying or doing?
When I asked these questions and allowed the answers to reveal themselves, so many different things began flooding my awareness.
As much as I hate to become aware of my negative aspects of myself, I had to acknowledge things I did and choices I made so I could become more conscious and make new choices in the future that were more aligned with my true self.
In turn, this allowed me to be more unconditionally loving and more authentically myself, so when I finally did meet my soulmate, I was ready for him.
If you want to know how to be a good girlfriend and avoid breaking up with someone you love, here are 4 mistakes that I now know I made that cost me my soulmate, that you might be doing, too.
1. Manipulating him
Everything that I did in our relationship was first and foremost because I deeply loved him. But I also had the thought that whatever I did for him would be so fabulous that he’d love me so much he’d never want to leave.
Just before our first Christmas together, he was going out of town and wouldn’t have time to decorate his house and wrap his kids’ presents. So, I said I’d come over and help him.
Of course, that’s something I would do just because I was his girlfriend, but I had this underlying thought of, “When I do this, he’s going to think I’m the best girlfriend in the world and will never let me go.”
Having the energy of “If I do this, then…” is manipulation energy. Even though he wasn’t consciously aware that I was having these thoughts, energetically he could feel it. Any energy that isn’t purely loving energy can be felt by others.
I don’t like feeling manipulated by others, so imagine how he felt. And pretty much everything that I did for him had this energy attached to it. Now, when I become aware of the energy that isn’t pure loving energy, I check myself.
I call myself out and ask, “What would it take to make this choice from my pure loving energy?” and then I find myself shifting into my pure loving energy.
2. Not trusting him
I was so in love with him that it scared me. I was deathly afraid of him leaving. I would keep my mouth shut if he did or said something that I didn’t agree with so my soulmate wouldn’t just abandon me.
I made sure that everything that I said or did was “perfect” so he wouldn’t leave, and in doing so, I wasn’t able to be fully myself with him. I realized that I didn’t trust him to stay; that I didn’t trust myself to be worthy enough of him.
I forgot that the universe (or higher power) had my back. I forgot that I am worthy of his, and any man’s, love. And I missed out on truly being present and enjoying the relationship because I was so scared of it ending.
Now, I’m trusting that who I am is enough. I also trust that whatever happens, it’s always for my highest and best good, and his as well.
3. Making it too easy
Because I loved him so much and because I never wanted him to leave me, I felt like I needed to prove myself to him. Whatever he needed, I was there supporting him. When he asked to see me, I’d rearrange my schedule for him.
My priority became him over the dance class I really enjoyed taking or spending time with friends.
Plus, the more things I did for him to prove to him how wonderful I was, the more he started relating to me like his mother, who doted on him whenever she was in town.
Now, I work to find compromises. I am no longer willing to sacrifice doing things that bring me joy for someone else. I also no longer feel the need to prove myself to anyone, especially a man, in order for them to love me.
4. Expecting too much
Once we became serious, I began having unrealistic expectations of him to love me and fulfill my needs so that I could feel good about myself and my life.
I needed him to prove he loved me, and I would get really upset if he didn’t.
When we first started dating, he came over for dinner. On his way to my apartment, he met a neighbor of mine. They chatted for a bit and then he knocked on my door.
When he told me that he had met my neighbor, I was more concerned about whether he introduced himself as my boyfriend or not. I really didn’t care about what else they discussed.
I even asked my neighbor the next time I saw him if Luke had really introduced himself as my boyfriend. I needed him to say certain things or do certain things so that I could feel more at ease.
I felt like if he did these things, then he really did care about me. And if he didn’t, then he didn’t really care about me.
Immediately after we broke up, I realized that I didn’t like the way that I was choosing to show up in the relationship.
I realized that I didn’t blame him for not wanting to be with me. If a guy that I was seeing was doing all of these things to me, I’d end it, too!
So, I began diving more deeply into understanding the Law of Attraction work, and anything else that could support me in healing my break up and myself. It was also during this time that I decided to become a love coach so I could help others not show up in this way either, and risk losing their soulmates, as I had, and forfeiting chances at true love.
Because I’ve learned how to value myself, love myself, and know that I’m worthy of love, I show up in my relationships completely as myself. I know that being completely myself is good enough and worthy of all that I desire! And now I teach others to know the same things about themselves.
I am an internationally-known dating coach, professional speaker, workshop leader, and author of The One Simple Secret to Attracting Your Soulmate Now. To learn more about healing your past, loving yourself more, or for a free Become Your Soulmate’s Soulmate Strategy Session, click here.
Originally published on Your Tango