You may be looking for love, are you ready to find it?
Every client I work with comes to me declaring that they are ready to meet their soulmate.
But as we spend time working together — and based on the processes I take them through — they often discover that they’re not really ready for various reasons.
Wondering if this could be you?
Here are the top 5 reasons you might not be ready for a serious relationship, plus how to get past them:
1. You’re seeking love and validation from others.
Do you believe that you need to have someone love you in order to feel loved? Most people put this expectation on others and believe that if someone doesn’t love them, then there must be something wrong with them.
The biggest misconception about this is that love already exists within you. Other people activate it, and we feel it strongly in the times that we’re with those people. However, no one has ever handed you their love on a silver platter.
Also, when we’re seeking love or validation outside of ourselves, we are depending on somebody else for our happiness. When you’re with your soulmate, you don’t need to depend on them. You don’t need them to love you. It’s just easy and it flows organically.
2. You don’t truly love yourself.
When I was a teenager, my mom would always tell me that I just needed to love myself more, and then I’d meet someone great to date. But I never knew what that meant. Does loving myself mean I give myself hugs? Does it mean that I obtain more friends and try to be cool?
What I came to realize was that in order to love myself, I needed to do some inner work. When I started to peel back the layers of who I was, I began to investigate what I wanted out of life, I was able to identify what patterns of behavior I was exhibiting that were out of alignment with my desires, so I started looking for ways to heal those patterns.
The key to this is developing self-trust. This is truly one of the deepest and most challenging issues that many people have: They don’t feel like they can trust themselves. Yet, there is a wise one that is within each of us who knows what’s best for us and how to guide us to manifest all that we desire — especially finding our soulmate relationship. The more you listen with your heart and follow that internal energy instead of external information, the more you’ll be able to trust yourself.
Another piece to self-love is to value yourself. Knowing that you’re worthy and you deserve everything that you desire, especially an amazing relationship with a fabulous person, is a profound way to love yourself. This also means that you’re not willing to settle for anyone that doesn’t lift you up, inspire you, or support you in being the best version of yourself.
3. You have unfinished business with an ex.
If you still have any kind of emotional ties with your ex, you’re not ready for your soulmate. It is crucial that you do whatever you need to do to have complete closure with an ex, even if they’re your baby’s or children’s father or mother that you see on a regular basis.
Unfinished business could look like feeling hurt, angry, or anything emotional response that is disturbing your peace in any way. Or, maybe there’s something that needs to be said that you’ve pushed under the rug.
The best way to support yourself in resolving this unfinished business is to express what you’re feeling. If it’s possible, having a discussion with your ex about whatever needs to be said is powerful and can be very healing.
However, if you’d rather chew glass then be in the same room with them, you can write them a letter instead. Set aside 10-20 minutes of uninterrupted time, and tell your ex anything and everything that you need to say in writing. As soon as you’ve done that, sign it, then immediately rip it up. Do not go back and reread it. Do not send it. If it’s safe to do so, burn it or flush it down the toilet.
If you still feel like there are things that they need to hear after a few days, then determine what needs to be done — whether it’s having an in-person discussion with them or writing them an email. It’s better to clear as much of the hurt and anger beforehand, so they can receive what you’re trying to tell them more positively.
4. You’re hoping somebody will “stick”, rather than focusing on finding the right person for you.
Have you ever sat down to really consider who your perfect relationship partner is? Having clarity about who you want to be in a relationship with can really provide you so much information that can support you in your dating life.
Some say that creating a list of 100 specific things that you want in your partner and in the relationship is the most effective way to do this. I recommend writing a list of what you would like to experience and feel when you are with your ideal mate.
When creating this list, it’s important to begin each sentence with “I am…” or “We are…” For example, if you want to be with a certain type, like tall, dark and handsome for the ladies, or short, thin, and long hair for the men, you can write “I am experiencing a deep attraction for my partner. Every time I look at him/her, I get butterflies in my stomach. He/she takes my breath away whenever they walk into the room.”
This statement connects you more to the feelings about your perfect person, which is extremely powerful. It also is a way to keep your options open about who they are rather than limiting them by expecting them to look a certain way.
5. You’re not really committed to having “the one” in your life.
When most people have a hard time finding a partner that will commit to them, it’s because they’re often not committing to themselves and their own desires first. Committing to yourself means that you’re not just talking the talk, you’re also walking the walk.
Take an inventory of your lifestyle and check to see if how you’re living would be the same if your “one” was in your life now.
Is the way you’re dressing the way you’d dress with them? Is your home ready for a visit from them (i.e. are there dishes in the sink that haven’t been washed in three days)? Is your attitude about your job, or about life, the way it would be if they were already here? Are you currently showing up in the excellent way that you’d show up with him or her by your side?
Also, check in to feel the way you’d feel if they were already here. What would you feel if you woke up and felt their arms around you? What would you be feeling if, after a hard day’s work, they were cooking your favorite meal for you? What would you feel if it was the weekend and you were doing your favorite activities or running errands together?
If you’re not “walking the walk” and behaving or feeling the way you’d want, then you’re not setting yourself up to find your soulmate.