Generally, men love to use whatever excuse they can think of rather than admit they have a fear of confrontation. That’s why ghosting has become such a big thing — and today’s use of technology as a primary means of communication in dating has ghosting just that much easier.
But is it confrontation we’re asking for, or just simple honesty?
If you’re like me, you’d prefer to hear the truth about why they’re moving on, rather than never knowing why. It’s shocking and hurtful to hear crickets after what you thought was a fantastic date.
So why did he ghost you?
Here are the top 7 reasons men ghost women they’re dating — and what you can do to prevent it from happening to you:
1. You’re more into him than he’s into you.
When a man feels like you’re a smitten kitten, then he may be likely to ghost you. It’s a tried and true statement that men like a challenge.
If you’re wondering how you can be more of a challenge, stay busy doing you. Don’t switch your schedule around to accommodate him. Until he’s wrapped around your finger, you need to have him below getting your nails done on your to-do list.
2. He wants to avoid confrontation.
As I mentioned before, most men would rather stick needles in their eyes than confront a woman, mostly for fear that she may cry — and he will in turn feel like a bad person.
Instead, an empowering action to take to avoid being ghosted is this: Take responsibility or acknowledge whatever you feel like he wants to confront you on yourself, rather than waiting for him to do it. Because let’s be honest, you’ll be waiting a very long time.
For example, Lola went out with Harry one night for drinks, when they accidentally bumped into her drunk ex. He was hanging all over Lola, telling her how much he missed her, and Lola could tell that Harry was extremely uncomfortable.
He barely said two words to her the entire car ride home. So instead of avoiding the elephant in the room and hoping the discomfort would blow over, Lola called Harry the next day. She acknowledged what had happened and mentioned how uncomfortable it must have been for him.
This provided an opportunity for Harry to authentically express what he felt, and they were able to move forward with their relationship. If she hadn’t brought it up, it’s likely that she would’ve never heard from him again.
3. There’s no chemistry.
When there’s no chemistry, there’s no chemistry. Unfortunately, most people give up too quickly before really assessing the chemistry factor. As women, we know that attraction and chemistry can build over time.
But, if you’re out with a guy who believes it’s either there or it’s not, then the only thing to do is say, “Next!” because that’s not your man anyway.
4. He’s scared he’ll get an out-of-control response to rejection.
Instead of Todd calling Diana to break things off with her, like a true gentleman, he sent her a text, then blocked her number. He did not want to deal with the fifty shades of cray that he knew she was capable of. If a man even gets a whiff that you’ll lose you’re cool if things go off the rails, he will run for the hills and never look back.
So, if you’re prone to getting a bit emotionally unglued, it’s time to do some inner work. If you’re easily triggered, take some deep breaths to calm down, and maybe take a break to regroup. Acknowledging your feelings is important, but it’s not worth getting crazy over.
If a man feels that you are too needy or too much work, all bets are off and you can pretty much bet the farm that you are going to get ghosted. No man wants to have that much pressure put on him to meet all of your needs.
You’re responsible for having your needs met. Yes, they can help you to feel cared for, adored, and less lonely. And they want to do that. But if you’re looking to them to be the source of your happiness, it’s time to let that go. Happiness is an inside job!
6. He worries you’re not that into him — so he’s beating you to the punch.
Some men actually can take a hint. So, if he’s feeling like you’re just not that into him, he may move right along. Some women take “playing hard to get” to a whole other level. He needs to know that you’re attainable, but just not too easy to get.
And, if things are super busy in your life, you need to make him aware of that from the get-go. If that’s the case, you may want to put a pin in the dating scene until things slow down. But if you happen to meet a fantastic man while you’re out with your girls, then just be open and honest with him. If he’s really worth it, he’ll be patient.
7. He became serious with someone else.
Some people are monogamous daters, who only date one person at a time. Some are serial daters, who date multiple people at a time. They’re the ones that like to take their time and explore their options. What can happen with serial daters is that once he decides to become more serious with one girl, he ends up giving you the shaft.
Chuck was going on at least one date a week with a different girl. Some weeks, he had three or four dates. Until he met Chloe. He still stayed on the dating site he was using and went out on sporadic dates while he and Chloe were getting to know each other. Once he felt certain that things with Chloe were heading in the serious relationship department, he cut off everyone else, leaving them in the dust.
If you are willing to, I recommend weaving a conversation about your dating plan early on. You can let him know that either: A) you are a monogamous dater, getting to know one person at a time; or B) you’re exploring your options and seeing what’s out there. Then, ask him where he’s at. This will help make sure that you’re both on the same page and alleviate the need for him to ghost.
When all is said and done, dating is challenging. It takes an enormous amount of courage to put yourself out there. The best suggestion I have is to not take any of it personally. Know that you are an amazing catch, that you deserve love, and that the relationship of your dreams is on its way to you now!